“I walk with a wiggle and a giggle and a squawk – doing the Tennessee wig walk” My 8 year old self swaggered while I sang – experiencing the sparkling aliveness that I realized much later, is what I have always worshiped. It was on a short boat cruise in England, and I had a small audience: my parents and those of a little girl, that they insisted I begin a pen-pal relationship with. I never did.
It was a brief respite in a life that I remember as being dominated by inferiority – low self esteem, and being bullied.
I have experienced ten quantum jumps in my 70 years, that changed the quality of my life. They could be viewed as stages of awakening.
1. London. When I was 16, I was a social misfit. One day, a guy in the group I hung out with, told me I was not welcome on an outing they were going on, because I just did not fit in. On the way home, I made the resolution to analyze myself until I got to the root of the problem.
2. Ottawa, Canada. Age 21. I met my first wife, and experienced a love deeper and more magical than I had ever imagined. I submerged my poor self-image into being one half of David and Karen. That seemed a much more acceptable way of being.
Arizona, Age 22. I saw the Grand Canyon and discovered absolute AWE.
3. Vancouver, Canada. Age 23. My wife left me because I was immature and irresponsible. I was devastated, but 3 months later, I realized that I was now free to explore who I am. It was a very exciting prospect. I even went so far as to thank the guy she left me for.
I had my first experiences of Buddhist meditation.
Sensitivity Training Groups opened up new perspectives.
4. Toronto, Canada. age 25. I read the Dianetics chapter on Clear and realized it was actually possible for me to get there! There was hope for me after all, so I jumped on board. I resigned from the Church of Scientology 15 years later, when I realized how greedy, cold, and corrupt it had become.
5. Toronto again. Age 29. I had gained access to my past lives, understood that I am a spiritual (non-physical) being. A process called opening procedure by duplication popped me out of my body, and gave me the ability to visit other locations away from the body, with some visual and tactile perception.
6. Los Angeles, California. Age 34. A sudden and magical shift in perception, it looked like a new universe, with a beauty more intense than I had known. I felt that I had moved over into the driver's seat regarding my thoughts and feelings. I could bring my mind completely at rest, wtih just a feeling of expansiveness. The scientologists recognized it as the state of "Clear". I did not stop giggling for 2 weeks. Then I moved to Hawaii.
Houston, Texas. Age 36. The Scientology Purification Rundown cleaned ancient junk from my body and gave me a brand new sense of its fluidity.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Age 40. Resigned from Scientology and discovered the warm wide world of metaphysics. It was like coming out from a very cold place.
Age 43. Guru Maharaj Ji had developed some very powerful meditation techniques. I had discounted them until I heard that he had disbanded his organization. That got my attention and generated a great respect for him. I learned the techniques. I would have worked more with them, but they got lost in the wake of the next huge event.
7. Elmira, New York. It was during an exercise in Harry Palmer's Avatar course, where we had to BE an object, person or animal, and FEEL everything it felt, as best we could. After a couple of hours of this, I set my sites on a particular tree, as the next object of the exercise, and suddenly realized, at the deepest level that I already AM that tree, as well as ANYTHING that I put my attention on. In that moment, I understood who I am, and what God is. It became very real, that there is just one consciousness, and we are all IT! In that instant I moved from being an agnostic (they say there is a supreme being, but I don't really know), to being a panentheist (god is in and is everthing). The label I like is "advaita" - non-duality. That realization continues to deepen. There is a profound joy in my heart that is always accessible.
With the new tools and awareness, I was ready to move on from my old life as a college dropout and floundering salesman and I taught myself about computers. After working through a few textbooks and enough practice to know I could build a database system, I knocked on the doors of businesses and found my first client. I built them a system that was 5 times faster than the one they had before. The owner said I had not charged enough and paid me twice as much. During the next 18 years I grew as a professional database systems designer and programmer. I credit Avatar with giving me the balls to pull that off.
The Lifespring basic and advanced courses shed some light on a few issues, but seemed trivial after Avatar.
8. Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Age 47. I escaped from a very uncomfortable, two and a half year marriage. We argued and fought. She brought up grief and rage that I had successfully buried until then. It was not fun, but she gave me back my passion. And I am grateful.
Firewalking was a boost, and I was glad I did it.
9. Phoenix, Arizona. Age 51. After a few months of intense work (meditation and note taking) on my relationship issues, I met my twin flame. Her presence in my life has added a new dimension of joy for the last 19 years.
Sweet Medicine Sundance teaching gave a refreshing new perspective on life and relationships. Quodoushka 1, 2, 3 and 4. Shamanic de-armoring went very deep and was the wildest ride of my life. I was extremely impressed with the medicine wheel as a philosophical and healing tool.
The HAI workshop in California was fun and revealing.
I have found Emotional Freedom Technique and ho'oponopono to be very effective tools.
Harv Ecker's Enlightened Warrior and Wizard trainings were very intense, significant soul boosters and very valuable, but did not change my life.
Rebirthing provided some profound insights and experiences.
10. Sans Souci Gardens, Pottsdam, Germany. Age 67. The intense beauty of the place triggered a realization that completed a 43 year spiritual journey. It began in 1967 with an LSD experience that gave me a glimpse of a mode of perception of reality that was bigger, bolder, more intense and more beautiful that I had known. I set my sights on the attainment of this level of awareness, as a natural state, without any chemical assistance. In July 2011, the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. I realized the state I had been seeking was just the ability to perceive from the heart, without engaging the mind, and I had gained that ability. It far surpasses the high of any hallucinogen.
Every day, the beauty and joy of seeing the trees, grass, lakes and sky and other people, gets better.
Age 70, now back in Florida. I connected back up with the Avatar people. What a change! After 27 years it has grown from the small staff of 3 people in Elmira (I was the twentieth person to graduate) to over one hundred and fifty thousand Avatars worldwide. It is still the most powerful step I ever took. In a hall of about three hundred people from all over the world, there was a purity of communication and love for people that I had not witnessed before. So I did the Avatar Master's course, and this is what I wrote:
When I delivered the avatar initiation procedure to another student, it was the most awesome and humbling feeling of being able to give such a magnitude of awakening and life enhancement to another human being.
The feeling I got from this is beyond exhilaration. I feel more alive and vibrant than I could ever have imagined. If I could choose between having this, or having a Billion dollars, I would not hesitate to choose what I have now.
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